As this awareness in me came to a head yesterday, I finally spent some time writing last night. Opening my favorite notebook, I realized I hadn't actually done that in about a month. I started to write about what I've been seeing in myself, solidifying those light feelings that appear, but often go neglected for some stronger external stressor.

I had a shallow sleep last night, which is unusual for me. I kept waking up, feeling like barely any time has passed, and I was still just trying to fall asleep. After my dog woke me for an early breakfast, I laid in bed for a while, trying to train my mind onto something other than everything on my plate, all my to-dos and obligations. I tried to think only about what I would do first after getting up. I thought about how things had started to pile up in my apartment; about how I normally just get up, check my phone, and sit down at my computer, letting the metaverse sweep me away in whatever trouble is happening there.

I didn't want to do that today. So instead I picked up the apartment, washed last night's dishes, sorted through my junk mail. I put clothes away, cleared space on my desk, jotted down my perspective this morning.

There was a practice I started last November where I wouldn't start working until I did something completely unrelated, creative, etc. At some point I fell out of it, but I think I'll start that again. Here's today's entry toward that end. Now to start the day.

#routine

Thoughts? Discuss...

This started two weeks ago, when I was camping in the North Carolina mountains. I would get up, take my dog Holden out, feel how the weather was, and then make a pot of coffee. I’d sit for a while outside in the quiet and breeze, and see if any thoughts came. Eventually, when I felt a natural lull, I’d head to a coffee shop to start working.

I’m generally trying to find my “center” again — something I feel I’ve lost not just through recent life changes, but over the last decade, if I think about it. (That’s a digression for another time.) But I know I’ve always found my center outside, or by creating things: words, music, drawings, paintings. So without very much nature around me now, I’m doing something pointlessly creative every morning, with no real purpose or goal, before I even think of work.

The results have been very good so far. New ideas — useful or not — are bubbling up that I don’t think would exist without this kind of mental space. I’m slowly feeling more like a whole person again. And when I do sit down to work, I’m feeling a little more focused on what needs to be done — honestly, because I’d love to have more open-ended creative time.

#routine

Thoughts? Discuss...